Of late, dearie and I have been quarreling often. We have many differences and we are trying hard to manage that. He told me this morning that I'm someone who needs a lot of emotional affection because I'm too influenced by K-dramas. All the little things will just touch and move me and I yearn for that in real life. And I have high expectations of love being reciprocated. I need something back whenever I do something for him.
Since young, I was brought up in a negative environment. My mother always compares me to my sister. I'm always the stupid one. My mother never praises me ever but that's her nature. During a recent quarrel, she mentioned that she had never have expectations of me.That hurts. Till now it still does. Adding to it, my previous relationship where I was cheated so badly of my love and money has also shaped me for who I am now.
Words of affirmation and acts of service are my love languages. Kind words and appreciation and expressing love by little actions would make me feel loved. Gone are the morning drives to fetch me to my first class during weekend, spontanteous hugs and kisses, calls to say good morning or occasional calls in office.... He always criticises that I'm a sucker for romanticism; I have a soft spot for surprises. Seriously, it's really not in the surprises but the painstaking efforts and time needed to plan and execute them. I feel touched and loved that way.
I'm having less faith in our relationship each day but I will continue to pray for guidance and love. We are going for our Engage Encounter session this weekend. Hopefully, the Lord will see us through and bless us with more patience and understanding. Amen.
